2020 will remain for me one of the hardest years of my life.
From being on furlough for 8 months, then losing my job (because of Covid-19 and the sanitary crisis) at the same time as losing the person I love is one of the most challenging times of my life.
I basically broke up from a toxic relationship 8 days ago. Today is the first day since my break up where I feel a bit better. But honestly, when I compare how happy I was last year, full of hopes, full of projects, I only wish to find this happiness again.
I know that my situation is probably not the worst one, many people at the moment encounter challenges because of Covid-19. My unemployment pension will normally secure me for at least a year (I hope it won’t take that long though). But I am an active person, I NEED to work. I have worked so hard to get where I am and I don’t want to lose all of that. I am lucky because I have a very supportive family, and I am confident that I will find another position soon, as I am doing everything at the moment to make it happen.
Concerning my boyfriend. I literally fell in love with this guy 5 months ago to the point where I thought: “this is the guy I have been searching for my entire life”. This is the first time in my life that I had so many feelings for another person (aside from my family that is the most important thing of course). This guy in question told me that I was “the woman of his life and that he couldn’t live without me”… Little did I know that he was desperately in love with his best friend and everything fell apart the day she started jalousing me and criticizing me from behind, trying to separate us. As a side note, I have never been nasty or unrespectful to her, that’s the absolute opposite. This lady was pregnant with her first child at the time and with my great deal of experience with babies, pregnancy, and breastfeeding, I was trying to help her when she told that she could drink alcohol while breastfeeding (facepalm). She didn’t appreciate that I gave her advice and prevented her from doing that for her baby’s security. My boyfriend didn’t even defend me from the attacks I got after this conversation. The attacks lasted for a whole month. After this time, when I saw that he wasn’t making any move and as she was continuously insulting me through messages (behind my back), she had reached a no turning point and I told him to make a choice, this me or her. That was the only way for us to continue being happy and build our life together, especially if I am “the woman of his life“. He told me that he couldn’t. So that was our first break.
Then 24 hours later, he called me back pretending that he couldn’t live without me, crying and begging for me to take him back. He broke with her, but after that, this is where hell started. He became unrespectful with me, ignoring me, being distant, putting his job first, being vulgar, sending cute messages to other girls on social media, and worse question his love for me. Despite all of that, I was trying to support him as much as I could and have faith in him again. He was showing a face that I never thought I would see. Don’t you seriously think that asking him to break up with one of his childhood friends was an easy decision? How could I be happy about it? I am not a bad person. I had no choice since she didn’t even want to apologize for the criticism or try to improve the situation. This was an immense betrayal and I broke up with him for good.
I simply fell on two manipulative people who don’t want to recognize their love for each other. He told me that he wanted to be with her when they were teenagers, by the way. She never wanted apparently because he wasn’t “physically enough attractive” for her. I went to a psychologist this week to help me going through all of that, he came to the same conclusion as me: he loves her but doesn’t want to recognize it.
How can we go from “I will always love you” to “I despise and ignore you?” I realized today that he has connected again on dating apps (the same one where we met) apparently for a long time already, even though he promised me that he had unsubscribed from it months ago… what a liar. I think that is the click I needed. I realize that this person is way too nasty and bad for me. I stop now wanting to save him, he doesn’t deserve all the love I gave him and all of the things I have done for him.
This story to tell you guys: never remain with people that only want to be with you when life is easy and nice. This is through challenging times that you realize if your relationship is meant to last. Because TRUE LOVE goes through everything. I would have been ready to give him my life but he wasn’t ready to do the same for me (unlike what he told me from the very beginning). A couple is a team, we help, support each other no matter what. As a general life rule, you never give up on someone you love, or it means that you don’t really love. In this topic, things cannot be grey, they are black or white.
The worse thing is that for his friends and family now, I am a bad person, which is totally unfair. But they can think whatever they want, he won’t tell them the truth anyway…
My conscience is clean, I am convinced that his isn’t. I have done everything I could, making me suffer in the process but the love I gave was authentic, true. Because of his attitude, I have the conviction that no serious or good person will want to build a life with such a manipulative guy, still strongly in love with another person. I just hope that no other lady will fall in this trap for their own sake and wellbeing.
People, be intelligent enough to stay away from those people. This unprecedented situation made me see how ugly the world can be, even though I knew it already. I just hope that good people still exist.
How to recover from it?
This is the process I have been advised from my family, friend and doctors.
- Realize it !
This is basically the whole process that I have told you about before. Describe the situation, understand it, and learn. I know how hard it is to do that, and I have the tendency to always try to find solutions to everything. But sometimes in life, there is no other possible alternative and you have to accept it.
2. Take care of yourself
I realize now that I totally forgot myself for this person, stopping doing all the things I wanted to do or liked. Music, DIY, and even writing on this blog, which was my big 2020 project. This is a lesson learned, I will take care of me (there is nothing wrong with being selfish sometimes if this is to make you feel better π ). This is also the best way to be able to love again. Love yourself first and then you will be loved by others.
3. Take your time
Work on your pain, step by step, day after day. Be gentle to you, accept the pain, cry, shout…let this all go out. Don’t let this situation makes you feel down for too long though. After all, this is not worth being destroyed, the most important thing is to be happy again. Accept that difficult times and break-ups are similar to a period of mourning and time will make you heal for sure.
4. Have faith in the future.
This is not a step that you will be able to go to necessarily right away.
But I am sure that one day, I will meet someone worth giving love to. Don’t force destiny, (meaning going to dating apps right after) believe in it and good things will happen. I wasn’t believing in that when I was younger, but I realize it now.
To conclude, be kind, truthful, and understanding with each other. This is the only way to be happy in life. Whoever is reading this article, I hope that you are happy, and if not I send you all of my positive vibes and hope that my testimony gave you a bit of courage in those difficult times.
Are you dealing with big challenges at the moment? How do you cope?
Leave your comment, I would be happy to read it π
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